Potty-mouthed.

I've noticed that I sometimes get strange looks. Crazy, I know, but most often, these looks occur after I've called someone a name.

I never knew it before, but I apparently choose strange words when taunting people. All throughout high school, I got flack from a friend who maintained that calling someone a 'silly goose' was highly unorthodox.

I don't know about you, but to me, using your own special language when mocking others leads to some highly entertaining name calling.

My favorites of late are:
1) turd
2) lard
3) skank
4) hoe
5) butt-head

I know, I know. You probably haven't been called a butt-head since fifth grade, but that's what makes it fun. :D

Lacy-Hacy also has some creative nicknames. For some reason, hearing her call her nieces and nephews 'shit-lits' brings immense joy to my heart.

I'm sure you're all aware of my recent obsession with swearing. At least, my mom is. She informs me daily that she is concerned for my immortal soul.

Okay. Maybe not daily but on a regular basis.

What you don't know is that I rarely actually SAY any of the commonly accepted obscenities. I'll go down to check my laundry and, for a split second, think I've forgotten to push start on the dryer, leaving me to believe that I will not -- in fact -- have any clean underwear tomorrow. Which leads me to loudly exclaim 'SON-OF-A' before realizing I actually did push start and the dryer was just speedy and finished its cycle before I expected it would.

Commence happy laundry folding. Suspect nothing.

So, naturally, I was confused when I came upstairs and Mom asked me what was wrong. "Uhh... nothing. That I know of?", I stammered.
"I just heard some pretty choice words a few minutes ago.", she responded with her well-known and frequently used disapproving look.
"Choice words?..." I chuckled, "Was it 'son' that offended you? Or are you easily insulted by prepositions?"

See what I mean? I have been unduly judged. Because saying 'frick' and 'son of a biscuit eating bulldog' shouldn't make me a bad person.

Other fun phraseologies:
"What's the word, hummingbird?", "What's up, buttercup?" and, my personal favorite, "What's the gist, physicist?".

Granted, they're not particularly accusatory, but I still like 'em.

So if I happen to call you a 'meanie-head' during one of our future exchanges, don't take it to heart. I say it with love. Always.

Because, according to my mother, you'd know if it wasn't.