A Matter of Fact.

I've taken on a new title.
I've decided to become a 'self-proclaimed truth authority'.

What this means is that every time you or one of your friends or one of my relatives decides to 'Facebook spam' an image claiming some outrageous statement to be true, I feel morally obligated to debunk fact from fallacy. And then to make sure they are fully aware of their naivety. Out of love, mind you.

For instance, remember a few months back when a photo of 'pink slime' seemed to be circulating rather rapidly?..

 

The accompanying word blurb described how this 'pink slime' was mechanically separated chicken that is used in all processed chicken products. It went on to relate that "basically, the entire chicken is smashed and pressed through a sieve - bones, eyes, guts and all. [Then] it comes out looking like this."

But wait! There's more! Apparently "because it's crawling with bacteria, it will be washed with ammonia, soaking in it, actually. Then, because it tastes gross, it will be re-flavored artificially. Then, because it is weirdly pink, it will be dyed with artificial color."

Lastly, the author concludes in the most sarcastically ridiculous way possibly, "But, hey, at least it tastes good, right?"

Okay, first off, yes. Yes it does. It tastes amazingly delicious, in fact.

Second, let's take it easy with the commas and the 'thens' lady.
(I only assume it's a lady. Most likely because the Facebook friend who shared it was also a lady and also impossible to reason with.)

Next, let's just think about this for a second.. You really believe that your chicken nugget is the result of a whole chicken being smooshed through a strainer at some unnamed factory??

How about we check our facts before we start alarming the masses.

I, for one, find it a good rule of thumb to reference Snopes.com anytime I come across information that seems even the slightest bit fishy. Some will claim that the site isn't always correct, but I would much rather risk the unlikely instance of a few minor errors than to blindly believe anything that I read on the Internet.

And so, do you want to know the truth about 'pink slime'? It's exactly this: a process is used to mechanically separate small pieces of meat from bone that would otherwise be wasted. These edible meat tissue scraps are then processed and sanitized in order to keep them from growing harmful bacteria. So basically... 'pink slime' is food that isn't being wasted and is kept germ free so that it's safe for us to eat.

I KNOW! THE AUDACITY!! THE UNMITIGATED GALL!

I'm not saying that you should therefore love processed meat. And I'm not saying that in it's most common fried forms is the healthiest thing you can eat.

What I am saying is that you shouldn't always believe everything you read.

Another example that both amused and infuriated me at the same time was a link claiming that cut onions absorb bacteria, making them extremely effective in reducing illness. Just think, all these years I never knew that I could chop up a few onions and scatter them around the house if I wanted to avoid getting the flu! Wonders never cease!

And then as if that weren't enough, it went on to claim that "it is dangerous to cut an onion and try to use it to cook the next day [because] it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night and creates toxic bacteria which may cause adverse stomach infections because of excess bile secretions and even food poisoning."

Interesting... because I've cut and stored onions for quite sometime now, and I've never died a horrible, agonizing death from doing so.. Must have an iron stomach or something.

That, or I'M INVINCIBLE. Yep. Probably that.

And just in case you weren't convinced by that myriad of blatant lies, it ends by warning that "...dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions. Please pass this on to all you love and care about." If that's not a 'forward or you will die tomorrow' phrase, I don't know what is..

What's interesting is that the basis of these allegations are usually true. Onions can create adverse side affects when fed to canines. But then they throw in phrases like 'highly poisonous' and 'bones, guts and all' to scare the average reader into feeling so horrified and repulsed that they can't help but share it with their easily fooled friends.

Which explains nearly ALL of the incorrect truths I was taught growing up. Granted, my dad did like making up answers just for fun, but my mom is still convinced that aspartame and MSG are going to single-handedly destroy the world.

But perhaps my favorite example of Facebook foolishness is the image of someone (there have been several) holding a winning lottery ticket and claiming that they will give portions of it to a few lucky 'winners' that re-post/like the image.

Come on people.. Is gullible written on the ceiling?..

And then there are those rare but refreshing instances where I research a claim and find it to be true. Surprisingly enough, some of these posts (we're talking a VERY small percentage here) are actually fact-based. Take Capri Sun for example.

The post claimed that the fruit pouches grew mold and that several children confused the fermentation with what they believed to be 'worms'. And while that obviously isn't the case, it is possible for the drink to go bad.  Just like any other food. Especially if the pouch were to be punctured due to neglect by the owner.

And just like an expired block of cheese or a moldy loaf of bread, it is not typically medically dangerous to ingest. Disgusting, yes. Life-threatening, no.

So here's what I suggest:

Think twice before spreading the claim that an entire t-bone steak can be dissolved when submerged in Coke for a 24-hour period. If that were the case, your stomach and/or intestines wouldn't stand a chance.

And don’t annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you re-post this image.

Now share this with everyone you know.
Otherwise you'll find all your socks missing tomorrow morning.

'Blousy' Excuse.

This post has been a long time comin'. I started formulating the idea for it a few months ago when I came across a shirt in the clearance section of Deb that just screamed to be mine. I loved the color, the lacy fabric and the flowy sleeves, but it was two sizes too big.

Not to mention it belonged to the family of 'too-short to be a dress and too-long to be a shirt'. Most commonly paired with leggings in a failed attempt at modesty. (I hate that..)

Here is what it looked like to begin with.
(Notice the difference lighting can make. This was taken in the morning.)

 

I decided it was definitely worth a few dollars and took it home with me to eventually alter into something more flattering. But one thing led to another, and the days turned into weeks before I was able to unearth it from under all of the husband's ripped pants in my 'to-mend' pile. (The tally of patches sewn to date would astound you.)

I started by removing the elastic portion at the bottom and finishing off the seam with a rolled edge. I wanted to keep both the lace and lining edges separate, but someone (who obviously needs to be fired) at the factory sewed them together at the side seams, so I had to roll them together.

Which meant that it didn't lay as nicely as I would have liked, but I was too lazy to unpick the whole darn thing.

I figured the easiest way to add shape would be to sew an elastic to the underside of the fabric, so that it would come in at the waistline and flow away naturally. That would take care of extra bulk and cause a flattering gathered effect. Unfortunately, I underestimated the elastic I had on hand. It was much too flimsy and made the fabric pucker funny.

Then I had an epiphany and realized that the elastic bottom portion I had removed would work perfectly to add a waistline right under the bust. Which ended up looking a little somethin' like this: (Photo taken mid-day.)

 

I thought I was finished until I put it on and noticed that though the extra fullness in front housed the 'girls' quite nicely, the added fullness in back made me look like the next Quasimodo. It wasn't pretty.

Not to mention that the elastic was of poor quality and didn't cinch my waist tightly enough. Over-all, it was a complete do-over.

So I unpicked everything, again, and set off to find fabric to make a sash. I knew I needed to add a waistline, but I didn't think a belt matched the feminine feel I was looking for. I had also come to the conclusion that sewing in a waistline was futile due to the gathering required. Not to mention how extremely difficult (and painful!) trying to use your own body as a dress form is.

I ended up choosing a pink satin that was just a tad lighter than the shirt itself. I thought black would be too harsh, and white wasn't what I was looking for, so I stayed on the mono-chromatic side of things.

And I am super-pleased with how it turned out.
(Photo taken at night. Artificial light is horrible.)

The sash allows me to choose how tightly I want to tie it and where I want it to sit without being permanently attached. It also prevents mr. hunchie-back from returning, which I am very grateful for.

So it's finally finished. I'm wearing it presently. And it's an adorable blouse if I do say so myself. Notice how I avoided using the term 'blouse' until the very end. This is attributed to the flack I've received formerly for the use of the word.

There I was, a few months back, minding my own business updating my status about a 'blouse' that I had recently purchased, and I was bombarded with a slew of hateful comments surrounding the word.

Not only was I referred to as an 'old lady' for wearing them, I was also accused of having a 'scary, OCD, pink, frilly, blousy mind'.

It was a virtual smack-down of epic proportions, I tell you. (Refer to August 26th on my timeline for a full review.) And I'm still not quite sure how I deserved such treatment..

However, revenge was oh-so-sweet when a few months later the perpetrator was told she looked like a boy for wearing her beloved t-shirts. I bet wearing a 'blouse' doesn't sound so horrible now, does it little missy?..

I Love Me a Good Parody.

I'm sure we've all seen the poster that optimistically encourages you to 'keep calm and carry on', whether it be on Pinterest or the cover of a small book inside a gift shop in Scotland's Edinburgh Castle.

I've seen it both places.
(I may or may not be rubbing in my awesome travels.)

Regardless, I was immediately drawn to its clean design and simplistic look. There were several different pocketbooks to choose from, each featuring a unique variation of the phrase.

Naturally, I chose the more realistic route (for me at least) and purchased a small book of quotes documenting the pessimistic side of life.

It was a wise purchase. Now it sits in my living room, practically begging someone to pick it up and feel depressed.

But what you probably haven't noticed was the explosion of similarly worded posters since this clever little beauty was created. Some of my favorites include:

People never cease to amaze me with their cleverness.

That is, until their 'cleverness' becomes so cliche that I begin to hate whatever it was that was so cool in the first place.

Facebook tends to have that effect.

I mean, come on people. At least try and be original.

But I guess if all else fails...

Why I Love my Friends.

*Take into consideration that this conversation took place between 12 and 1 AM.*
Corin: "Do you get to sleep in tomorrow?"
Stefanie: "Yes.?"
Corin: "There's a question involved here?"
Stefanie: "Why are you asking that?"
Corin: "Because you put 'yes' question mark. Do you or don't you?"
Stefanie: "Yes. But why are you wondering that?"
Corin: "Because I'm deciding whether or not to be jealous! Geez, keep up with the program!"
Stefanie: "I'm confused..."
Corin: "Nevermind..."
Stefanie: "Okay..."
Corin: "Just know that I will be slaving away for hours on end while everyone else celebrates the true meaning of Christmas."
Stefanie: "What are you talking about?"
Corin: "I have to get up and go to work! And I'm complaining about it!"
Stefanie: "Lol. I really just laughed out loud!!"
Corin: "Oh you. I can never tell what is going to make you laugh."
Stefanie: "Haha. I'm sorry that you have to go to work. So now the true meaning of Christmas is sleeping in?"
Corin: "YES. And eating lots and lots of bacon."
Stefanie: "Haha. Good to know. I'm sad to hear that bacon has now replaced JESUS."
Corin: "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! Pfff.... I'm going to wake people up!!!! hehehehehehehehe.... I'm hyperventialating... I can't even spell that right either... I'm dying here. Deep breaths.... hoo. I think I'll be okay...."
Stefanie: "Okay good. Thanks for the 12 new messages..."
Corin: "Anytime. I think I'm a little slap happy."
Stefanie: "Haha. Ya, I think so too. This is the funniest conversation. I wish I could just save it. Haha."
Corin: "I've already documented part of it. It will go down in Corin status history!"

Stefanie: "Documented? You mean the part you put on your status for the whole world to see?"
Corin: "Yes! Is this a problem?..."
Stefanie: "Nope. Merry Bacon!"