Cold Fries on the Driveway

The Saturday after I arrived in Oklahoma, the chillens and I decided it would be fun to have a picnic lunch in the park. But seeing as I had forgotten to defrost a loaf of bread for sandwiches, we opted to pick up lunch from McDonald's after much fervent pleading from the Lilly-popper.

I rationalized that it only made sense, due to the fact that we needed to return a Redbox as well. It was a win-win solution.

My sister had left a hand-drawn map of the neighborhood. Not to scale and roughly rudimentary, mind you, but still helpful for the most part. We made it to the golden arches after only a few detours due to road construction that she hadn't taken in to account which meant none of the streets were presently marked, making her artwork null and void.

After a trip through the drive through and sending the oldest back inside to retrieve our missing fries, we were on our way back through the winding streets to find the local park my sister had told me about. We had passed one on our scenic trip to Mickey D's, but it was sadly fenced off in a gated community, so we were forced to find their all too familiar neighborhood playground.

I tried to remember the instructions my sister had given. She had simply stated to follow the streets through the clustered cul-de-sacs until you came out on the other side, and there it would be.

Well, we tried that strategy to no avail. There seemed to be a dead end at every turn. Realizing my limited experience driving these foreign Oklahoma streets, I asked if anyone knew how to get there. "I do!", at least three children exclaimed.

I gave the oldest, Livie-Lou, a shot first. Her age and experience was obviously the logical choice. She carefully led me back out of the community, onto the highway and headed back towards where we had just come from. "I only know how to get there from my school!", she explained.

All the while, the delicious smell of fried goodness taunted us from the colorful paper sacks. Two-year-old Lancer-Prancer must have noticed, because he immediately started crying pathetically. I handed out a few french fries and a couple of McNuggets to the more ravenous ones in our troop.
Which meant everyone.

And so we took a right, then another right. And then.. a right?.. "Olivia!!" I exclaimed, "You know the only mathematical solution to these directions is to take us right back to where we started!??"

"I'm sorry!" she bemoaned, "This all looks familiar though.." I can't say it was a comforting thought.

All the while Cam-Cam wailed in the front seat. "HAM-BUR-GER!..."

 

Realizing following this navigator any further would prove futile, I bestowed the privilege on seven-year-old Buddy-boy. Who had been countering every direction his older sister had given. I now see why.

"Thanks a lot Olivia.." Lilly accused, "Now my tummy is grumbling!"

Unfortunately, Buddy-boy also failed to offer any useful pointers. Apparently their entire neighborhood looks very similar from one block to the next.

As our quick five minute trip slowly ticked over twenty, I couldn't help but laugh at the scenario. Here I was, following instructions from five starving children who all supposedly remembered 'exactly' how to get there. For all I knew, they could have been thinking of five different playgrounds. It was amusing. And saddening. An experience worth documenting.

I eventually came the the conclusion that visiting the park that day was not in our fates. So we traversed the same five-block radius that we had been circling right back to their house.

Where we sat on the driveway and ate our now cold lunch.

 

So I guess the moral of this story is, when it all comes down to it, family memories are more important than warm food and a play date in the park.

That, and when your sister gives you directions, opt for GPS instead.

Lilly-isms

I just returned from a week long excursion to my sister Ann's home in Oklahoma. (Her kids have now started saying 'all ya'll'. It's not pretty..) 

While there, I played 'mommy' for a week to her five children, Livie-Lou, Cam-Cam, Buddy-boy, Lilly-Poppins and Lancer-Prancer, while she on her husband were on a business trip/vacation.

And before I hear any more about leaving my poor husband defenseless at home, let it be known that he was similarly out of town for a business trip to Virginia. I don't know how that somehow makes it better, but people generally breathe a sigh of relief when I say it.

Now, I am not new at this whole 'taking care of children thing', but that doesn't mean that I still didn't get a few surprises along the way. The first was when I went to unload the dishwasher and found that one of the cups in the cupboard was right-side up instead of flipped over like the rest of them. Thinking nothing of it, I quickly flipped it over to stack with the newly cleaned cups. And that was precisely when I, and everything within a two-foot radius, was doused with the lemonade that I had told my niece Lilly to finish earlier.

I swear, that girl is the cutest dang poosie I've ever seen. One minute, she's being a little monster and the next, she's giving you the 'cute' face for five hours.

And believe me you, you cannot deny the cute face.

The little turkey did it so much, her little brother even caught on.
By the end of the week, she was calling it her 'get what I want' face.

She was so excited to have me come.
She even made a chain to count down the days. I heard over and over again how she'd wake up every morning and the first thing she'd want to do is rip a link off her chain. It was pretty dang adorable.

And I can't even begin to express how many times she made me laugh each day. All of the kiddos were entertaining, but every other thing the Lilly-popper said was quotable.

Here are a select few I recorded for you:

Lilly: "Can we paint my nails?.."
Corinner-Elly: "Sure. I have some nail polish that is pink and turns purple in the sun."
Lance: *the whole time* "Ooo.. Nice!"
Lilly: "Are they dry??" *wipes them on my face*

Lilly: "You know what I want?.."
Corinner-Elly: "What?"
Lilly: "Two white horses, to stay the same size, two swy flahters and a carriage."
Corinner-Elly: "Two fly swatters?.."
Lilly: "Yah. So I can whack the ones that fly around my head!"

Lilly: *sniffling* "Corin.. can you get mad at Bennett a little bit because he got mad at me.."

Corinner-Elly: "For pete's sakes, hold still!!"
Lilly: "Four pizza's STEAK?!"

Corinner-Elly: "Thank you, thank you. I backed out of the driveway. Children, save your applause."
Lilly: "Corin...we don't have PAWS we have FINGERS."

Lilly: *while driving* "Can I have a drink of water from your bottle?"
Corinner-Elly: "Sure, but don't spill or I'll have to throw you out on the side of the road."
Lilly: *indignant huff* "Corin.. my mom said 'I'll never kill my Lilly'.."

Lilly: *after a lot of crocodile tears* "I'm sad because I'm just having a rough day.."

Lilly: "Guess what?"
Corinner-Elly: "Chicken butt."
Lilly: "No!! Guess what?.."
Corinner-Elly: "Chicken butt."
Lilly: *frustrated sigh* "Corinner!.. Gue-.. (Thinking twice) Do you know the dirt?"
Corinner-Elly: "Yeah."
Lilly: "Did you know it's worm poo!?"
Corinner-Elly: "What??... No it isn't.."
Lilly: "Yah-huh! My mom told me."

Lilly: "Umm... How does Santa come down the chimney?.. Doesn't he hurt his bum on those?" (pointing to the fireplace logs)

Lilly: "Corin!!! I need you to wipe my bum!" *doing the deed* "Thanks Corin. You're my champion! Well.. my dirty champion."

Corinner-Elly: "Lilly, please go put that little car back in the garage so that it doesn't blow into the road."
Lilly: "It's okay. Mom keeps it dirty so that we can clean up."

Lilly: "Corinner, know what? If  you eat something lots and lots, your eyes will turn that color. I want to eat all the candy canes so that they are striped red and white!"

Lilly: "Can we PLEEEEEASE watch another Phineas and Ferb??" *makes cute face, as usual*
Corinner-Elly: "Nope. It's time for bed. But you can have a few Oreos."
Lilly: *excited gasp* "Oreos!! Come on! Oreos people!" (spoken to her siblings with an authoritative gesture)

Lilly: "Can I have a minty mint or gum or something??"
Corinner-Elly: "Nope. You've eaten everything I've got."
Lilly: "Well then what can I have?.."
Corinner-Elly: "Some nice refreshing, cool air."
Lilly: "Corin!.. You don't eat air! You breathe it out."
Bennett: "You breathe it in too, Lill."
Lilly: "Easy for you to say Bennett.."

Corinner-Elly: "Daisy got loose today so I had to spank her bum."
Lilly: "You don't spank dogs Corinner. You konk them."

Corinner-Elly: "Your mom and dad come home in two days."
Lilly: *perks up* "Two... days?! NO!! Don't leave me with these people!"

And as if all of that didn't melt my heart, she proceeded to say things such as:

Lilly: "I'm going to be so, so sad when you leave!"

Lilly: "You could win all the prizes and championships, you have such a beautiful voice."

Lilly: "You are the best mom ever!!"

The second thing I learned is that children really do leave every light on in the house. I thought my parents were being dramatic when I was a kid, but no. Every. Single. Light. Every. Single. Day. I swear I spent the entire trip walking around from room to room flipping off the switches. According to my sister, they inherited this trait from their dad.

And the third (of many) things I learned, was that playing 'mom' to five crazy kids for a week didn't change my desire to have a big family one bit. Since I've been home, multiple people have semi-facetiously asked if the experience made me change my mind on when and how many children I want.

They shouldn't have been surprised when I told them it had the opposite effect. I can't wait to start a family! It's going to be the best!

Because anyone who knows me could tell you I've wanted to have only one occupation for as long as I can remember: to be a mom.

So while some might say that picking up and dropping off, cleaning up after, cooking for and settling down five children sounds exhausting, I say that it was my perfect vacation. A little taste of the future doing my dream job.

In One Ear, Out the Other.

I don't know what my deal is, but my right arm and hand have been numb and tingly all morning. Not the kind of numb and tingly my hands get after clapping or applauding. Itchy too.

The husband says that's never happened to him before. Yet another thing I just assumed was commonplace then come to find out I'm a weirdo for.

I started noticing my arm/hand spazing out last night and chalked it up to sleeping on it funny the night before or something.

Well.. that is what I told myself in my head.
The story the husband was privileged enough to hear was quite dramatic and had to do with almost choking on a kernel of corn when I was all alone at our apartment during lunch which caused me to hyperventilate and almost die. And on top of that, I had the worst case of carpel tunnel the world has ever seen.

His reaction to my diva-tude was to suggest I blend the corn into a sort of corn smoothie in the future. I pointed out a person could still die from aspirating liquid corn.

Not the direction I imagined the conversation would go, but I'll still take it.

I think, instead, I'll just avoid corn in the future.
For several reasons not limited to 1) it gets stuck in your teeth when you try to gnaw it off the cob, 2) when you then resort to cutting it off to avoid #1, small kernel get lodged in your airways and you almost go to the light and 3) some people were simply not made to digest the stuff. (TMI?.. Sorry.)

 

Only problem is, it's pretty hard to completely avoid.

 

But I will endeavor to do my best.
It's a matter of life and death you know.

My family thinks I'm ridiculous when I make such declarations. They say that the sweet corn my pops grows is practically vegetable gold.

And in the past, I'd have to agree. But now I've learned it may look all innocent and delicious, but it's really trying to kill me.

Which is ironic, because we have a lot in common, corn and I.

One time, my sister, Katerina Cupcake, made up a clever little ditty for an 'all about me' poster she helped me create in the third grade. It stated, "Corin is corn with an 'i' not an ear."

Clever, no? Get it? Get it? Because my name has the letter 'i' in it and they're called 'ears' of corn?.. Eye ---> ear. Yes?..

No?... Well never mind.
My arm still feels weird.

What I 'Mint' to Say

Just inside our apartment, sits a wooden bowl containing a various assortment of things. The husband has always admired Sheldon and Leonard's from The Big Bang Theory and was thus ecstatic when he found a similar container at the D.I.  shortly after we moved in.

 

It was originally intended as a place for dropping keys and various other pocket contents upon arriving home. However that function has expanded to include housing various toothpicks (the husband's obsessed with them), approximately ¢.18 in change, a few crumpled receipts and, inexplicably, one clear marble.

 

Recently, three small boxes of mints have also come to reside there. So a few days ago when I passed, I couldn't help but notice they seemed to document the course of our relationship, in a way.

 

The first box was purchased in November of 2011 when I took a road trip with my besties to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada. I had driven down the strip before but never really seen much of the city and had an aunt and uncle who were more than delighted to allow us to crash at their place.

 

I also had a new boyfriend who, truth be told, hadn't worked up the courage to kiss me yet. It had been close to a month that we'd been 'official', and I was antsy to get down to business! So when Lacy-Hacy insisted I buy a little box of personalized mints we'd found, even my momentary hesitance over the awkwardness giving such a gift might create was quelled.

 

Upon arriving home and reuniting with the BF who had also just gotten back from a hunting trip, it took me a few days to work up the courage to give him his presents.

I stayed on the safe side by first placing a small shot glass with a decal of a flexing bicep that read 'Vegas Stud' in his waiting hands, then (before I had time to chicken out) handed over the tin of mints and smiled anxiously as he slowly read the words on its colorful lid..

I'll never forget the look on his face as he stared at them for a moment then quickly glanced up at me. It was a mixture of sheer terror and utter panic. The quintessential 'deer in the headlights' sort of expression.

I waited for what I assumed would inevitably follow. But after sensing what was a sort of frightened pleading in his eyes, I quickly made a joke of it and started talking about something else.

Inside my head, I couldn't believe what had just happened.
If there had been any question in regards to my intentions before, there certainly couldn't have been any longer. What was he waiting for!??

The good news is, we are now married and what seemed like an eternity at the time chalked up to only a few weeks of excited anticipation for 'the first kiss'. Granted, I had to hint at it repeatedly and eventually took matters into my own hand by initiating the first move, but that's a different story.

The second box of mints I received as a gift at my bachelorette party. Wish I would have known that I'd be given breath fresheners as a present when the husband's sweet little grandma asked (with what I hold was a knowing twinkle in her eye) 'what kinds of things we do at bachelorette parties?..' 

All I managed to splutter as my face grew increasingly redder was, "Oh, you know. Give silly gifts and play silly games..." I think it was a trick question, and I'm not so sure I passed.

Nevertheless, the front features a cartoon couple smooching surrounded by floating hearts while the back reads as follows:

This represents the 'engagement' portion of our relationship.
I say that facetiously, because (as those who attended the party can attest) when asked what our biggest fight was over in a game where I was challenged to guess what he would answer to each videoed question, we both responded the same.
We've never had a fight.

The man is an angel, I tell you. He puts up with all sorts of feminine foolishness without so much as a cross thought. I post all sorts of embarrassing lovey-dovey-ness, and he just pockets his man-card, swallows his 'I'm not a hopeless romantic' pride and smiles.

And now that he's stuck with me for time and all eternity, the last box of mints (also a bachelorette gift) comes into play. Though I'm not single and far from my 30's.

I assumed there would be interest surrounding when to expect little Nays after the wedding from family members and friends, but didn't comprehend to what extent. I can hardly mention words such as 'maternity insurance' before someone jumps the gun.

Easy people. Settle down.
Don't worry, I'm following the instructions carefully.

 

And for those of you who are ever-suspicious,

this isn't an announcement.