What I Learn in College.

1. Scissors/shears are sharp.

My floral design teacher is a hoot.
She's strange and I like it.

But best of all, she's full of useful snippets. Take, for example, the inherent nature of floral clippers. Namely, they're sharp.

You see, they cut from both sides which makes them ever-so-much-better than plain ole' scissors, don't cha know.

And so, naturally, after explaining the dangers of 'clipping off your very own finger in the process of trimming rose thorns' and urging all students to use common sense by keeping their fingers out of the way while doing so, a certain little miss genius in the front row complained she was bleeding.

Yes. The girl is in college.
Yes. We assume she has a brain.
Yes. I weep for her children.

2. Fire and stupid people don't mix.

"Sometimes" my floral teacher explained, "We have people (usually old people) who call in, wondering how to light the candle in their arrangement when it is still wrapped in plastic. Usually, it's the delivery guy's job to remove the wrappers."

The problem is: this here is less than perfect world.

For example: why in the love of pork chops is there is never enough bacon?

The point being: sometimes in life, you're gonna have to remove the plastic wrap. (Isn't that existential?...) I know this sound difficult and particularly terrifying but, good-golly, it's possible.

The only thing I'm left wondering is why, exactly, we allow people (who can't figure out how to remove a little cellophane from a candle before lighting it) access to flammable products anyways?...

3. Don't incorporate skis into a funeral set piece if the deceased died in a horrific skiing accident.

Wha?? No way...
This is news to me.

4. Fir trees and fur trees are two entirely different things.

One's a lot less hairy.

See.
Isn't my education paying off?

5. I am the master of flower domination.

I vil' terminate zem.

(Except 'terminate' in this instance, may be used more loosely to mean 'lovingly admire them as they sit on my kitchen table'.)

Ah'll be back!

Hasta la vista, beh-bay.

Hey.

I'm not much of a Schwarzenegger, okay?

SNOWPOCALYPSE

In case you haven't heard, there's a storm coming. It "will far surpass anything that we've seen, probably for the last several years." According to the National Weather Service.

Oh yah, I forgot to tell you. There's a storm coming.

With snow.
As in igloos and penguins and ice.

But someone just text me. There's a storm coming.

Hey look an email. Really? A storm?
I didn't know.

A storm! A storm! THERE WILL BE A STORM!

I've been notified by the university, every single do-gooder in my ward, email, phone, text, relative, friends, dogs, small emus...

You name it.

You should probably text your friends. Email them while you're at it to. And if you're feeling really in the holiday spirit, shout it to traveling passersby.

Oh look. Apparently it's going to snow tonight. Huh.

There's a storm.
Campus is closing? At three? DOES THIS MEAN I GET TO GO HOME EARLY???!!! *extremely excited face*

No? Well poop.

Everyone else gets to go home.
But me? NOOOooooo.
I'll be here forever. Rain. Shine. Storm.

Oh. Did you hear the news?
THERE'S GOING TO BE A BLOODY BLIZZARD.

And I am going to sit in this office until I die.

I made a freakin' bouquet.
No. Not during the storm you ninny.

SNOW-STOOOOOOOOOOOOOORM!!!!
Geez. Don't freak out.

It's just a little snow.
And when I say a little, I mean A GINORMOUS BUTT-LOAD.

Run for your lives!

P.S. A storm's a comin'.
Hide yo women. Hide yo chillen.

Would you knock me out, please?

Just hit me in the face.

Purty. Purty Flower!

I'm a Renaissance woman.
Do you know what that means?

Let me tell you. Ah hem.
Renaissance man (or woman): a highly cultivated man (or woman) who is skilled and well-versed in many fields of knowledge, work, etc., as in the arts and sciences.

If you spout a 'country girl' slam, I will make your brain explode.

The point is, I even amaze myself.
Mostly recently, I have blessed the world with the gift of floral design. The likes of which have never before been seen.


My sister commissioned my services in the creation of a flower display, of some sort, to adorn the top of her TV bureau. I'll have to admit, I went a little giddy when she told me I had free reign. Here's what I came up with:

And now for a close up.

So that you might be exposed to its full whimsical fantastic-ness.

And that's not even all! Listen up if you wish to be shocked and amazed.


Here's how it went down.
1) Went to Hobby Lobby (officially re-named 'Corinner-Elly Heaven') and purchased all of the flowers and woody twig balls for 50% off. That's right. 50% off. Not only that, but I had also saved a 60% off mailer coupon for just such an occasion. Boo. Yah.


2) Stopped by Michael's Art and Craft to pick up some moss and serendipitously found the bread basket love of my life. But that's another story.


3) Made my weekly DI rounds and came across two perfect distressed bronze candle trays that would serve perfectly as a base to my imagined arrangement. Amongst other things... (Such as two BRAND SPANKIN' NEW Pampered Chef stoneware pans! $3.00 for a 9x13 and $1.50 for a bread pan. Bow to me now!)


4) Buzzed on over to Dollar Tree for the floral foam and extra glue sticks. (My supply was dwindling rapidly. Who knew college roommates were so 'hot glue gun' starved?...)


5) Worked my magic. No wand necessary.


Ya see. The problem is, once I get my mind set on something, I can't stop thinking about it 'til it's done. So from conception to execution took about, oh, three hours or so.


I've come to accept that I will die of anality.


But what's more important to understand: the whole ta-do cost a grand total of (wait for it...) $35.00! And that includes this amazing curly willow bouquet I made for a modern little vase by her bed.

I'm just tickled pink with how it all turned out.

These are the moments when I don't mind so much to be greeted with, "I've decided what the next project you can do for me is!" -OR- "You need to come help me with this. Now. "

After all...

that's what we Renaissance women are for.

My Assets are Frozen.

AH POOP.
I believe these were the words I shouted upon exiting my room this morning and looking out an exterior window. There was white filth all over my car.

I'm not talkin' about some practical joke gone wrong, I'm talkin' about the real thang. SNOW.

As in penguins and igloos and ice.

Scraping snow and ice off a car's windows in the frigid, accursed hours of the early morning, when you already happen to be late and didn't even eat any breakfast, is one of the most loathsome jobs there is.

So I made Gem do it.

In exchange for a piece of toast.
(Do I know how to bargain, or do I know how to BARGAIN?) 

But this sad state of events got me to thinking...
If I didn't happen to have a bed (or an apartment for that matter) and I lived the life of a traveling vagrant bum, I think I would definitely sleep under a tree.

Not like Pioneer Park in Salt Lake, were you can't tell if they're dead or just drunk.

Like a big fur tree. The kind with boughs that point downwards, making a little tent underneath their bottom-most branches. I'd definitely sneak under there for protection.

In fact, I've debated it several times on campus. No one would even know where I was...

When I told Gem this plan, she seconded its coolness factor but wondered how, exactly, I would survive under there??

"Easy." I answered, "I'd live off the squirrels."

"What??..." she countered, "You wouldn't kill a squirrel to save your life."

"Who said anything about killing poor defenseless woodland critters?" I questioned, "I would just share their nuts."

Her resulting burst of laughter prompted me to immediately knit my eyebrows.

Word of advice: before opening mocking me, you must always remember that, in MY world, anything's possible.

But I'm already tired of winter. I want more summer and autumn.
Unfortunately, my floral design class is the only place where this can still be a reality.

See what I've made:

Boutonnieres.

(Who even came up with that word? Why would you have a boot in your ear anyways?...)

Pumpkin Arrangement.

I am rather proud of this one.

It looks rather nice sitting on my dining table at home.

And I didn't even have to go out and buy a pumpkin. That's what happens when you have a faux-farmer for a father.

A faux-farmer of a father who's like the Little Red Hen.

A faux-farmer of a father I love. <3

A faux-farmer of a father who needs to fix my automatic car starter so I don't freeze my tushy off every morning.

Hmm...

Semi-Grand Tour

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present... *drumroll please*

My Apartment!
Well. The kitchen, at least.

I can't help but be proud of it. After all, it has been pieced together over the course of four years during various scrounging missions to the D.I. and dollar store. Not to mention all of the free junk I've been given. 'Junk' meant with all the love possible.

Our first exhibit: The Infamous Bakers Rack.

Bakers Rack: $35.00- found on KSL.
Plant: $10.00 for the red pot- grown from a clipping at my office.
Cookbooks & recipe magazines: free/forcibly given (in some instances).
Candles w/stands: $5.00- mismatched from D.I. and dollar store.
Photo carousel: $3.00- at D.I.
Cookie Jar: $1.00- at D.I., lid stolen from my mom &  repainted
Magnet recipe board: $2.00- at D.I.
Picnic basket: free, abandoned in one of the Wymount basements
Fall decorations: $10.00- at Dollar Tree

Stop two: Kitchen Table and Black Picture Frame Wall.

Table: (gratefully) not mine

Chairs: $10.00 a piece at D.I.- reimbursed by landlord

Placemats: free- stolen from home

Pampered Chef treat tote: free, stolen from home

(are we noticing a trend?...)

Variety of black frames: $15.00 collectively

Glass cube flower arrangement: free (in manner of speaking)- made during this week's floral design lab.

On a sidenote:

You'll be happy to know that I gave my creation to a 'supposedly' sick invalid as an expression of goodwill. 'Da Twinneh' was grateful for the gesture but didn't appear especially ill. Faker? Perhaps.

That girl will do anything for free egg drop soup, cream cheese wontons and flowers.

Around the corner you'll find the: Window Seat.

My pride and joy.
You can't really tell from this picture, but the base has three compartments, yet to be filled with an assortment of items in need of storage.

And for a closer look:

Now, for the break down.

Three throw pillows: $6.33 at Kohl's- call me the world's best coupon clipper

Bench: free minus a few bucks for the paint- my Dad helped me make it over the weekend

Cushions & fulcrums (of sorts): free- salvaged/created from some old camper cushions and drapes that used to hang in my sister's house

Various doo-dads: mostly free, a couple bucks for the frame

I never cease to amaze myself.

Which leads us to the main event: The Kitchen.

Boy Howdy, I wish I could add a splash of color on the walls. Someday.

A description of expenses in this room would take ten-gazillion years so, suffice it to say:

I found the rug stuffed in the bushes at a prior apartment.

The wrought iron wall art used to be wall sconces that were accidentally broken in the process of being hung. I suppose it's apropos that I like them better this way?...

Pretty much everything else has come to me free of charge but let's face it.

That's just how I like it.

We're coming to our last stop: The Sad & Lonely Refrigerator

I take that back. I guess he has the garbage can for company.

Some consolation that is...

The main purpose of this view is to show of our adorable aprons, all sewn by muah. We're so crafty.

All this tourin' is making me tired. Which reminds me...

I didn't even make my bed.

I know what you're thinking: Who hacked Corinner-Elly's account and is spreading such malicious falsehoods?!

But tis' true. Tis' true.

I'm morphing into a normal person who doesn't ceremoniously make her bed every morning.

I sense some disbelief.

Put a Fork in Me, I'm Done.

Guess what I just realized?
This is my last semester taking a full load of credit hours at BYU! WOOP! (Yah... It's like 'WOOT' but better.)

Where has the time gone, people? Where has the time gone.

Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever heard??
Next semester, I'm gonna be all fun and fancy free, takin' like six credit hours and livin' it up at my new internship. That's right. You heard me. INTERNSHIP.

I'm gonna be spending my time in Lehi at Osmond Designs, helping in their design center and office. It's gonna be brilliant. Because they're awesome.

Wanna know why? I'll tell you why.

Not only do they specialize in Interior Design, their website has a quiz. A 'Find Your Style' quiz. And everyone knows how exciting those are! (Not the evil 'pop' quizzes teachers spring on you in college, dummy. The pointless 'How Many Kid's Will You Have', etc. quizzes on Facebook!)

I know how much you're dying to know what my results were. Really. I do. So, without further ado... Corinner-Elly's style is:

... wait for it ...

Casual/Traditional
And now for a blurb about what that means! (I may or may not post this on my wall later to annoy all my 'friends' and turn into the world's greatest nuisance.)

"Your responses place you within the Casual / Traditional design category. Interior styles suited to your tastes might include the casual country styles of American Country, Cottage, French Provincial and English Country. Americana styles might also be suited to your tastes in the variations of Arts & Crafts / Mission Style, Shaker and Southwestern / Lodge / High Country. Coastal Atlantic Seaboard and California Coastal styles are other alternatives for a breezy variation of casual traditional style."

Why do I feel as though I'm being given the virtual stink eye?

*sigh*

I see that the only person who will actually be able to respond/relate to this is Katerina Cupcake. I expect to see a comment from you, little Missy. Tell them I'm not crazy.

And now that you've all gone and crushed my spirits, I don't even feel like tellin' you about my latest projects.

PFFT. Who'm I kiddin'?

Look what I made! Okay, okay. I didn't really make it, per say. But I did find it at DI and spray paint it. It was an assignment commissioned by my mom and, by golly, I think I get an 'A+'.
(P.S. It's a shoe basket, in case you were confused on that subject.)

And looky, looky! I started my Floral Design class and in the first lab we learned how to design/wrap bouquets. I chose a monochromatic color scheme. (Green doesn't necessarily count as a 'color' in the flower world. Strange, eh?)

I gave it to Lera for her birthday. She loved it! (More than the one her boyfriend gave her, truth be told. But that's a secret for me to know and him to never find out.)

And now, to finish off what might otherwise be termed a 'non-reaction worthy' post, I'll entertain you with this:

Corinner-Elly's All Time Favorite Phrases:

• You have the brain capacity of a mentally impaired goldfish.
• That was slower than a herd of turtles tramping through peanut-butter.
• Quicker than crap from a goose!
• Well, Poop.

Hehe. :D Good, right? Am I right?

What do you mean they aren't entertaining!?? You've gotta be kiddin' me. Everybody likes my 'All Time Favorite Phrases'!

You know what else everybody likes? My blog. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's go read Corinner-Elly," they say, "Heck no, I don't like no Corinner-Elly"?

Corinner-Elly is awesome.

No?...

Well. How wude.