Random Thoughts...

Where to begin, where to begin? Ah.
First off...

Thought #1: My family is perverted.
Well, more specifically, my mom n' pop.

Yesterday, I was loading stuff into the back of Dad's truck, bent over just minding my own business when suddenly... I was ASSAULTED.

By the time I'd realized what had happened, Dad was already half way up the drive.

After climbing back out of the pile of boxes I had just fallen through, I marched inside to loudly announce my displeasure.

"Did you SEE what Dad just did!!?", I charged.

"What?", Gem responded listlessly, not even looking up.

"He pinched my bum!", I declared, trying to emphasize the seriousness of the matter.

"So?", she yawned.

"My behind! My derriere! My fanny! My posterior! My tush! My very own, personal bum!", I cried dramatically.

"So that's why he just walked in chuckling to himself.", she surmised.

And then, as if that weren't enough, later that night, when I tried to get some sympathy from mom, do you know what she said?

Do you, KNOW what she said!?!

"Bum-pinchers have been in existence for hundreds-of-thousands-of-years."

And, ya know what? I should have seen it comin'.
There hasn't been a bum-pinching opportunity, in my lifetime, that Mom hasn't taken advantage of.

You have no idea how alarmingly terrifying going up the stairs in front of her can be.

I eventually had to learn to either
A) block her jabs
B) insist that she go first
-or-
C) run like the wind, Bullseye.

Let me repeat. Perversion. Everywhere.

Thought #2: My dad is a fibber.

Do you know those quintessential moments as a child, where you look up into your parent's face, unabashedly waiting for them to explain life's wonders to you?

Because, of course, parents know everything, right?

I have recently come to the conclusion that such a concept is a big heaping pile of BS. I mean a really big, stinky load.

And it all comes back to Dad. The world's greatest fabricator.
You can never tell whether or not you're being lied to. He's that good, the turd.

Seriously. I have no absolutely no idea what's true anymore.

Many a time, I have shared some of my Dad's vast knowledge, with those around me, only to be shot down instantly.

"Did you know that emu's legs bend backwards while ostrich's legs bend forwards?", I'll share with bright eyes.

"No they don't.", the person will say.

"Uh-huh!" I'll insist, "My dad told me so!"

"No.", they'll confirm succinctly, all the while shaking their head in pity and backing away slowly.

Then I make a sad face.
Because this happens often. Too often if you ask me.

So, a word of advice from one who knows.
Though my Dad may put on a good front of supernatural mind-power and all-omnipotence,

He's a FAKE. A FAKER I SAY!
But a really smart and talented faker at that.

Thought #3: Everyone thinks their feet are normal.

Scratch that.
After recently voicing my opinion on the matter, I was shot down immediately.

Apparently, I was wrong.
Everyone thinks their feet are abnormal in some way.

I guess I'm the odd-ball out then. Up to this point, I always thought my feet were perfectly proportioned. Now I am forced to re-evaluate.

*looks at feet*

But, hey. I just thought of something funny.
When I was camping (you know, the infamous scooter victory trip) my sister came up with her family for the day.

We were by a stream which meant that everyone was naturally inclined to play in it at one point or another. So it was no surprise that, as soon as they were released from the confines of the van, my sister's kids shot into the water followed closely by their mom.

Several minutes later, she emerged soaking with a dripping schnauzer in tow.

Noticing her muddy and waterlogged sneakers, my dad comically commented on how, exactly, they had come to that point.

"It was no easy feat!" she voiced loudly.

And, you know me, I couldn't help it.

"Pfft... Feet." I giggled immaturely.

(Feat. ----> Feet.)
Geez. Get with the picture.

How many idiot's we got in here?

All I know is that, when people's middle toe is longer than the rest, I feel like I'm being flipped of. Foot style.

K. I've decided to change thought #3.

Revised Thought #3: My feet are normal.

Too bad, so sad for the rest of  you.

Thought #4: I forgot to post pictures of our Craft Day!

We made paper plate masks, bead & noodle necklaces and crepe paper art.

I did a flower. It was purdy.

What?!? I can't be included in the fun?

Thought #5: Wait... what was my thought? Oh, right.

Thought #5: I am forgetful.

Because I also forget to post pictures of my Box Fort Activity!

Are you oh-so impressed?
I know, I know. I should have gone into architecture.

Except for the fact that after only twenty minutes of playing, their fortress collapsed on them. But minor detail, right?

I'm blaming it on faulty duct tape.