I Should Have Stayed in Bed.

Last night we had a visitor around 11:30PM. I thought I had heard the doorbell but decided I'd rather pretend it was the TV.

Apparently, subsequent frantic ringings were lost on my ears due to extensive face washing.

I hadn't yet finished when my newest roomie Lacy-Hacy interuptedly knocked at my door.

"What?", I demanded as I turned off the water, face still sudsy and dripping.

"Uhmm..." she mumbled sleepily, "There's someone at the door. She says we're flooding her apartment."

"And... she wants us to...?", I slowly worded.

"She needs the landlord's name or something.", she yawned, her head slumped against my door frame, eyes closed.

Handing over my phone and it's contents, I cautiously peeked around the corner.

"HI CORIN!!", my cheery and apparently well-acquainted neighbor shouted.

"Hey... you...", I replied awkwardly while darting back into my room.

Before long, she was gone. Lacy-Hacy was once more burrowed in her comforter and the apartment was again quiet. But the reverie didn't last...

Just as I was slipping off to sleep, the screeching of the doorbell pierced my eardrums. I decided to ignore it.

"I'm asleep. I'm asleep. I'm asleep-sleep-sleeping.", I told my brain.

A few second passed before it happened again.

I was determined not to be the one who finally gave in. After all, there were three other perfectly capable people with fully functioning legs nearby. And I could almost guarantee that they'd heard it.

Ring.

Ring.

...

*silence*

"Ah," I sighed, "they've finally given u..."

RIIIIIIIING!

  

Slamming a pillow over my head, I stubbornly held my ground.

I waited.

One minute. Two minutes.

"They're finally gone." I sighed in relief.

Nestling into my bed's softness, I began to relax.

"Bzzz." my phone vibrated, "BZZZZ."

It was a torturous sound.

"Who's grand idea was it to put my phone number in the ward directory!?!" my tired brain screamed, "Is this gonna last FOREVER!?!"

In my last attempt to utterly ignore the world, I sent the call to voicemail.

But that didn't stop her from calling.

12 MORE TIMES.

Suddenly, I was beginning to feel guilty. She's probably a logical person, right. She probably knows that normal people sleep at 1 AM, right? She probably knows that there is absolutely nothing else we can do in this situation, right? She probably just... (*ring!*)

RANG THE DOORBELL FOR THE UMP-TEENTH TIME!

"Mother of all SIN!!!", Lacy-Hacy yelled from her room.

All sympathies were lost as I trudged from my bed.

"What do they want me to do?" I grumbled as I stomped down the hall, "Do I look like a freakin' plumber?"

I slowly pulled open the door.



I stared blankly at the man, eyes glazed over.

"Sorry to bother you," his eyes darted away, "I'm the landlord of the unit below yours and there's been some flooding..."

"You don't say?..." my shoulder devil pitched in, brandishing a flaming pitchfork.

"So I'll just need to turn off your water.", he continued.

"Whatever.", I conceded, leading him past the water heater closet as I made my way back to my room.

And that was the last thing I remember.

So when I woke up this morning to a toilet that wouldn't flush, a sink that wouldn't run and a complete ignorance in regards to water shut-off valves, I was (how can I put it...?) pissed.

Calling everyone from the landlord to the maintenance guy to Bernie the plumber who left a sticker with his info on the water heater, I desperately tried to get some assistance.

Needless to say, my landlord didn't answer, the maintenance guy appears to have died and Bernie isn't a very helpful plumber. (Liability, shmiability...)

All hope was almost lost before I took a big bite of humility and called my neighbor as a last resort.

"Hi!" she answered brightly in a tone inhuman at 6AM, "For sure, you guys can use our apartment until the problem's fixed!"

And so.

Today I showered in a foreign shower, spit in a foreign sink and may or may not have used the toilet before I realized that it wouldn't be able to flush.

And there it sits.

Did I mention that I also locked my keys, purse and cell phone in my running car when I was already late for work? No?

Today is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.