Excusez-Moi?...

I've been home from England for a good chunk now but only recently realized that I hadn't posted the list of things I noticed/learned while abroad that I had been saving in my phone's notes.

I've also been given a stern rebuke by a distant sister who wants more blog posts. Now. Dang it.

So here's the gist. I'll keep it short and sweet.
Or long and exhaustive. I can't quite decide which.

Regardless, I'm at work and I have nothing else to do.
Ah hem.

What Corinner-Elly Noticed/Learned in Europe:

1. An airplane is like a cocoon.

It really is. Think about it. You climb inside, all nestled and safe and you're not allowed out until the proper time.

And when you emerge, you're a beautifully radiant butterfly...

Okay, that may be a bit of an overstatement... Considering I look like I've been hibernating for the winter/been run over by a truck when I step off a plane.

Actually, aren't cocoons made out of caterpillar spit and/or vomit?... This could also be applicable because, during plane rides, I tend to think a lot about the two and whole-heartily pray that I might be spared from both.

Now that I think about it, planes really aren't like cocoons.
They're more like death traps. (Never, ever watch Final Destination...)

2. Drivers are bad everywhere.

I've ranted before about how people are biased against Utah drivers, but I'm here to tell you (as a seasoned world traveler) that, regardless of where you are, there will be insanity on the highway.

Throw in a plethora of round-abouts and you're up for a veritable smorgasbord of 'close-calls'.

I've driven with lead foots, road ragers, grannies, tailgaters, speed demons and brake slammers. All, unpleasant in-and-of themselves.

But put them on an narrow, winding road in the English countryside and you've got a recipe for disaster. I'm not even joking when I say that I almost died and my nephew very nearly got run over by a bus...

So just remember:
life isn't fair, bacon is delicious and drivers are bad.

3. I hate border checks.

I'm sure you all remember my trip to Scotland?... It's a repressed memory that I hesitate to bring up. But when I related my unhappy encounter with the airport security officials who were determined to send me over the edge on an already horrible day, I was only scraping the surface of the issue.

Namely, airports suck. Bad.

I think I spent more time waiting in line at customs than I actually did in Britain! (Okay, this is an exaggeration, but I feel strongly on the topic, alright?)

All I'm saying is that little stamp in my passport is NOT worth my sanity. End of story.

4. Warm water impossible?...

So I get to England, go to wash my hands and notice something peculiar... There are two faucets, one on each side of the sink. One is red, one is blue.

I go for blue, thinking it to be a good choice right?
Blue is nice. I like blue.

Freezing. Cold.

How 'bout red? Can't hurt to try.

Scalding, burning, painfully hot.

So how, may you ask, did I get warm water?
I didn't.

Because, no matter how hard I tried, I could not combine the polar opposites in my hands and splash them onto my face quickly enough.

So I decided to call a truce and never wash at all.
Still on strike as we speak...

5. You never miss a drinking fountain until you don't have one.

I spent approximately $1,000,000.00 on water bottles in London alone. And when I say 'I', I mean my parents.

I sincerely believe this is how the city survives.
And how they funded the crown jewels.

Because, heaven's knows, I only saw one drinking fountain during the entire trip. And it wasn't even functional.

Also, on a side note, French maitre d's are rather rude after finding out that all you intend to drink during dinner is 'water with lemon'.

Which leads me to believe that the United Kingdom has now replaced water with alcohol as the most acceptable form of hydration.

So, there it is. My list.
Random? Yes. Rambling? Yes. Redundant? Possibly.

Containing at least one reference to bacon?
Always.