Clan Conspiracies.

On Monday, I brought 'someone' home to meet the family.
He was subjected to the expected interrogation and mild insults.
All manageable.

We were, however, luckily enough to have missed a certain brother-in-law, who was absent due to some twist of fate. What a relief.

It was the annual Haymore pumpkin carving/painting FHE, and we, of course, were determined to walk away with the best design respectively.

By the end of the night, we had both completed veritable masterpieces, I with swirling carved forms and he with a sculpted depiction of Oogie Boogie from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

The drive home consisted of debating whose was better. He insisted that mine was not technically 'Halloween' worthy, and therefore inferior while I maintained that my concept was entirely superior.

Being the saint that I am, I offered that we might both consider ourselves grand prize winners, I in the 'Autumn' category and he in the 'Halloween'. But he swiftly refused, claiming that he and only he was worthy of 'gold place'. (I'm pretty sure this is a mixture of 'gold star' and '1st place', but who knows?...)

We decided that the only way to settle it was to take a vote and seeing that everyone in my apartment would naturally vote for me, I decided to post it to Facebook. Leave it up to the good people of the web to decide.

The voting started off well, and it wasn't long before I was in the lead.

But apparently, I was not fully aware of the bond he had somehow formed with every single member of my immediate family during such a short visit. Because less than 24-hours later, he had already earned the entire population's votes.

Including several of the family dogs.

This is why I both love and hate my family at the same time.
Love because they always come together and do things as a team.

Hate because, in this instance, the team effort was aimed at destroying me and my pumpkin personally.

In fact, since writing this post, there have been several new additions to the 'We Love Dan' club. Pretty sure this is mutiny of some kind.

So thanks a bunch, fam.
I have never met such a determined group of people so set on watching me squirm. And let me tell ya, you've succeeded.

I was told blood ran thicker than water. But now...?
I see how it is.

Train of Thought.

Ever heard of Epic Fail Blog?
You can find some pretty darn funny stuff there.
I highly recommend it.

But the great news is: not many realize that anyone can make their own Epic Fail! Whether it be image or video.

That's the part where I come in.

Wouldn't cha know, over the weekend I recorded my very own epic video. 'Cept this time... it was a WIN.

The stage is set.
Characters: Mom, Daddy-O, Gem and Corinner-Elly
Location: Heber Valley Railroad on the Soldier Hollow Express (formally known as the Heber Creeper)
Date: October 16th, 2010
Time: approximately 3:18 PM, give or take
Color Worn: pink (is my fay-vor-it cuh-lah...)

Alright, here's your motivation.
Gem looks to be sleeping across from you on the bench.
Daddy-O decides to break up the stagnancy of the ride by placing a fake plastic mouse on Gem's arm.
Corinner-Elly feels tension as excitement begins to build over the pending prank.
Gem doesn't notice.
Gem lies there.

Gem may be dead?...

Corinner-Elly impatiently scoots the mouse closer, hoping that its tiny rodent nose might tickle her arm.
Corinner-Elly hopes she doesn't fall out the partially open window.
Mom and Daddy-O look on bemusedly.
Corinner-Elly has an epiphany and decides to record the whole ordeal on her phone.
Gem suddenly looks up.

Gem is suspicious.

Corinner-Elly begins to doubt whether or not their trick's success is obtainable.
Slight conversation ensues.

Enter hilarium.

BRILLIANT!

Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.

and now for a short learning moment.
*cue happy music, preferably on a flute*
Brought to you by: Corinner-Elly.

Things I Learned While Riding the Train:

1. It is impossible to walk a straight line down the aisle from one end of the train to the other, while in motion, without swaying, swaggering, side-stepping and possibly landing on a small child, happily seated with her grandmother. Killing them instantly.

2. Trying to imagine what it would have been like to have traveled by train in the olden days is harder to accomplish when you just purchased a corndog from the concessions caboose. Even harder when you steal some of your sister's nachos.
3. The slow rocking motion produced by a train that is traveling at a leisurely pace down a peaceful mountain landscape will almost always lull the parentals into a blissful state of delirium.

4. Sisters are not inclined to cooperate in pictures when you have recently played a prank that scared the bejeebies out of them.

Relations, however, often improve.

5. Train rides are always better when you have someone to enjoy them with. And I don't just mean the conductor. Though he did have some pretty wicked whistle/horn-blowing skills...

It also helps when you don't have to wolf your food down during a rushed lunch at 'The Hub' only to wait for an hour at the station because someone looked up the departure times wrong.

Good thing I'm so forgiving.

Throwin' the Bull.

Gem's had a rough weekend. 
She thought she had it made. No school, no work.

Just livin' the high life. Until...
BLACKMAIL.

I know, I know.
How could it get any better, right?
(Props to Jenny Harrison of Design Gone Wild Photography for the fantastic photo.)

But looky here! I caught it all on video!

Stop judging the poor video quality.

I said STOP IT.

I asked Santa for a new camera for Christmas, alright?

What's really a shame is that I just missed her attempts at trying to actually get on the contraption.

I was pretty much a hysteric, wheezing mess by the end of that.

Others were subjected to the same fate.

This time horror reigned supreme.

and...



Probably had to change the bull out after that wild ride.

Let alone Zoe's undie pants...

But I say that's what you get for being a Team Jacob fan.

Deserter! Traitor! Benedict Arnold!
You shall live to rue this day.

P.S. To 'throw the bull' means to chat or gossip. Always wanted to know that, didn't cha?

If there's a Wil, There's a Way.

I have a special treat for you all this afternoon.
It involves a certain Honduran and his extreme makeover.

For privacy's sake, we'll call him Wilmer L.

No. Wait...

W. Lara.

And so enters part II of saga: 'Life at Corinner-Elly's Apartment'. (I told you it'd be an on going investigation...)

In case you didn't catch on, I'll give you quick run down.

Lera has a class project.
Lera decides to have W. Lara put on mascara for the assignment.
W. Lara tries his best but is lacking in the makeup application skills area of expertise.

W. Lara's man card bursts into flames.

Gem decides to enhance his unfortunate attempt.
Corinner-Elly happens upon the scene.
W. Lara is so pretty.
Gem is creating a 'smoky eye' effect.
W. Lara has been trained well and resists the urge to twitch/blink.
Lera declares Corinner-Elly 'has to put this on Facebook!'
Corinner-Elly wants to see the finished product.
Gem states that, not only will it be good, it will be Wil-a-licious.
W. Lara questions if this will seriously be put on Facebook?...
Corinner-Elly responds that it may end up on her blog.

Gem doesn't have a bra on.

Gem cries defensively , "Don't look at me!"
W. Lara announces that as long as he's embarassed, so is she.
Gem whines.
Lera laughs hysterically on Gem's bed while wheezing, "That's my boyfriend!"...
Lera concludes, "He wants to be Adam Lambert."
Corinner-Elly dies of laughter.

Oh, Canaduh...

What say ye we resort to a little roommate blackmailing?

Yes? Yes. (For more effective viewing pleasure, turn up the volume AS much as possible. I mean loud. Really, really loud. She can thank me later.)

In case you didn't catch the lyrics, here they are:

"Let's go all, the way tonight. No regrets. Just love.

We can dance, until we die. You and I.

We'll be young for-ever!

You. Make. Me. Feel like I'm living a, Teen. Age. Dream.

The way you turn me on. I can't sleep.

Let's runaway and don't ever look back.
Don't ever look back."

And who might our fantastic vocalist be, you ask?
(I know you're wondering why Katy Perry was showering at my apartment but let's think out of the box on this one...) Why, our resident Canadian. That's who.

Formerly referred to as Candy? Remember her? (See "I'm Just Sayin'.")

Well guess what.
As if it weren't the proudest moment of our young lives to have caught her shower serenading on tape, she was engaged less than 24-hours later in an oh-so entertaining twist to the story.

Because he. Makes. Her.
Feel like she's living a, teen. Age. Dream.

The way he turns her on.

We. Can't. Breathe.
They're always makin' out. (Creative liberties...)
Don't ever look back! Don't ever look back!

And now... the refrain...

No regrets, just love.
They're gonna dance until they die.
They'll be young forever!
(P.S.  I have it in good faith that the 'going all the way tonight' is postponed til' December.)