Speak Up Man!

Is it just me or are guys notoriously bad texters?

Okay, maybe that's a bit of a generalization.
And I hate generalizing.

But when every text response contains an average 1-3 words, I begin to wonder...

The way I figure it, either they are getting tired of the conversation and don't want to text anymore, they are upset about something or they're just plain stupid.

I most often assume that they just don't want to talk to me anymore. But then I see them in person two seconds later and they're a regular chatty-Kathy! Explain this to me!?

Girl's never have this problem. In fact, I think girls tend to be on the opposite end of the spectrum. Meaning, they often write four-page-long sagas documenting every feeling they've experienced in the past five minutes.

Nothin' wrong with that, my friend. Nothin' wrong with that.

Has anyone else noticed this disturbing trend?
Is it really too much to ask that they at least form a full sentence? I don't think that is unreasonable. They could practice their spelling and grammar while they're at it.

Until then, I am going on strike. From now on, any one word answers that are completely unjustified will not be responded to.

That's right. I'm gonna give 'em the textical cold shoulder.
(How do you like that word? Textical. My roomie Lacy-Hacy made it up. Figures, eh?)

In other news, are you way impressed by how many posts I've written this week Katerina Cupcake??

I do it all for you.

Oh the Wisdom of Me.

Today, I would like to brag a little.
I am so, so wise. And I can foresee the future.

Example #1: On Saturday, I helped 'da twinneh' rearrange her bedroom. Perhaps my favorite part was pulling away the end table from the wall and finding a partially eaten ice-cream sandwich that 'someone' (*cough* her husband) had somehow plastered to the wall. It had then slowly dried as it slid down the surface.

Pleasant as that was, when we pulled the bed away from the wall, we found around 3,000 empty Otter Pop wrappers he had lazily dropped behind the mattress in an effort to avoid standing up, walking three steps and throwing them away.

That boy needs a swift kick in the pants, I tell ya.

And yet we somehow prevailed. Because after several hours, everything was freshly dusted, more logically arranged and the bed was made! (If you only knew... This a big deal.)

But I'm veering away from my point.
The important part of my story is when 'da twinneh' stumbled upon her old high school journal. It was full of teenage angst and drama and heartbreak.

She flipped it open and read part of one page, relating her extreme anguish over a supposed 'betrayal' of trust to a former fling which now, of course, seemed rather silly.

But the best part of the whole page, maybe even book, was a line that read, "Corin says I'm going to laugh about all this later, but I don't see how."

BRILLIANT.

Was I right or was I right?
Called it. Fo sho.

Example #2: Earlier in the week, 'da twinneh' text me regarding her extreme delight in buying a little black bear figurine that she had been eyeing for ages. The attached picture featured a doe-eyed cub jauntily clinging to her bathroom towel rack.

"Haha! Cute! :D", I responded.

"Isn't it adorable?" she replied, "I waited for it to go on sale at C-A-L Ranch and it finally did."

"I remember you telling me about it." I inserted, "It's not breakable, is it? :P"

"I don't think so. He's pretty sturdy. Why?", came the response.

"Your husband doesn't have a good track record...", I concluded.

Because he really doesn't. 'Da twinneh' loves black bears with a fiery passion that cannot be quenched. And with the same fervent zeal, her husband seems to damage them.

If that weren't bad enough, whenever he has a clumsy moment, instead of admitting it to his wife what he's done, he props the smashed pieces back into place as though nothing had ever happened.

Pfft. Typical man.

But, no joke, one week later I got another text.
"He broke my bear!", it lamented.

"Called it!", I quickly text back. No remorse.

"He decapitated it.", she mourned.

I later witnessed firsthand that, surely enough, the bear's head and the bear's body had been quickly parted. Along with the towels from the towel rack and the towel rack from the wall.

I questioned 'da twinneh' as to what he could have possibly been doing to have caused such a ruckus, but she seemed just as confused as I was. Scratch that, am.

I mean, was he doing pull ups on the towel rack?
The world may never know.

So, there you have it. I am full of useless information, random puns and wisdom beyond my years.

I'm so cool, you could store a side of beef in me for a week.
I'm so hip, I can barely see over my own pelvis.

Heart Crinkles

I know many of you have been waiting a solid six or so years for me to announce the existence of a 'significant other'.

Now, before you get too excited, that is not the purpose of this post. Believe me, when I make it official, you'll know.

What I am hear to document is a little system used to define how intense your attraction to someone is. Juliann Little, you are my inspiration. Feel honored.

The Four Steps and/or Levels of Attraction:
1) Crinkle
2) Crush
3) Like
4) Love

I'm sure you're all familiar with steps 2-4. But have you ever heard something so creatively genius as 'crinkle' in your life!?

I mean, it fits. Sometimes you see a man-dime and your heart flutters. Just a bit. It can't be called a 'crush', right?? I mean, you don't even know the fella!

Therefore, 'crinkle' is much more apt.

I see you're also concerned over my recent verbiage: man-dime.
Don't worry, so very many are.

It's simple, see.
Man + perfect 10 = man-dime.

Perfect-a-mento.

My roomies and I used to refer to attractive men as 'hunks of male'. But now, I think we might just need a change.

So here's to summer!
And findin' ourselves some 'hunks of male' man-dimes.

Yee-haw.