Television Torment

Watching cable TV is torturous.
But I'm not talking 'The Bachelor' torture.

Because when Lacy-Hacy insists on watching a bunch of skanky bimbos pretend to fall in 'love' with a complete stranger, I am in my very own private hell.

No, no. I'm talking about a different kind of torture.
The kind of torture that takes place when you decide to watch 'Diners, Drive-ins and Dives' at 10 PM and suddenly have the urge to eat something wrapped in bacon and deep-fried.

That show is so deliciously addicting. I can't help but watch it every time it's on. And Guy Fieri? He's my hero. I want his job. So, so much.

If you're unfamiliar with the program, he pretty much travels around the US, visiting odd or unique little eateries that have been submitted as the best in the country and taste-tests all of their delicious food.

He's been to Utah several times: to the Red Iguana, Blue Plate Diner and, my favorite, Ruth's Diner up Immigration Canyon. It's the perfect place to eat after you visit the zoo. I highly recommend it.

As if that weren't torture enough! Every other commercial during the break is for Popeye's chicken & biscuits. Or at least, that's what it feels like.

And there's only ONE in Utah. At Hill Air Force Base, which is only accessible for those associated to military personnel.

This is cruel and inhumane treatment, I tell you.
Sure. Taunt viewers with delicious crispy goodness and then tell them that they can't have even if they wanted to.

Someone should put an end to this villainy.
That, or I could just stop watching cable...

*psh*

Let's not be ridonkulous.

Oh Sweet Mercy.

In my apartment, we have our very own Sheldon Cooper.
He eats otter-pops in my kitchen.
Has his own broom closet by the front door.
The dude's contaminated all of the apartment bathrooms at one point or another.

Heck. The man practically lives on my couch.
(You remember. This one.)

Point is:
though irritating at times, everyone loves Sheldon Cooper.

Take our apartment for example.
We are all avid 'Big Bang Theory-ers'. (Word to the wise. Don't try to abbreviate that title in any way, shape for form. It will be to your detriment. Especially when you tell your visiting teachees that you are an avid 'Big Bang-er'. Not that I would know...)

Truth be told, our very own Sheldon hates the nickname. Or perhaps just lives in a constant state of denial? (It's not just a river in Egypt you know...)

Therefore, we may have to resort to the next best thing for all future references. And so, without further ado, I present:

The Many Talents of Davey-Baby.

Bambi eyes.

Elbow licking.

Giant tongue.

Giant tallness.

Sultry looks while teeter-tottering in a flirty apron.

Sultry looks while wearing a zebra striped Snuggie.

Now.
Prepare.
For the smolder.

  

Professor. Pedophile. Same dif'.
(It must be said that I applied the mustache. Hidden talents EVERYWHERE.)

Ever seen a man run on all fours like a bear?
Or a crazed, psychotic, animalic baby-killer?

I mean, come on! This guy's got it goin' on.

And he's even starting to embrace his Sheldon-like tendencies.
So long as we remember that 'he is not crazy!'

His mother had him tested.