Legality Shmegality.

Pity me.
I spent an entire day last week at my desk, drafting and finalizing the main features of a newly concocted roommate agreement. Its tenets and facets are more conclusive than I ever dreamed.

Yes. I just used the words 'tenets' and 'facets'.
Do I sound very official-ish?

Because that's what I'm goin' for.

After all. This is an extremely serious matter.
The fate of two sisters, one Canadian and a Texan rests in the balance.

Because ya'll should know how important we are, eh.

I created this contract of sorts based upon direct inspiration given by the one and only Sheldon Cooper from one of the world's greatest television shows ever: The Big Bang Theory.



Sometimes it scares me how similar we are...

But let me explain.
For the past three years, I have put up with a whole lot of crap from various roommates.

Don't get me wrong, I've also had a lot of fun with the two Canadians, two Norwegians, one Brazilian and three Americans I've been grouped with but heavens-to-Betsy, can we not all be grown-ups?

How hard can it be to throw away that empty Ramen Noodle package?
To actually take out the trash just once in your life?
Do we not know what a dumpster looks like?
Is it really that difficult to sweep the kitchen floor every so often?
Let alone dream of mopping?

Realize, these were all internal musings. Not once did I lash out upon coming home to a trashed apartment, cleaning it up without a word and then being greeted with a "Thanks for cleaning up, hun. You are just too sweet."

Well ya know what Bucko!?!
If you were really grateful for my services you would've cleaned up after yourself the next time just to save me the trouble.

or the NEXT time.
or the NEXT TIME.

So it's no surprise that, during my final year of college, I must insist upon some house rules to be followed religiously upon threat of death.

And therefore, without further ado, I present the goods.
Do not be alarmed at my amazing skill and technical jargon.

Roommate Agreement

Are you impressed at my handy work?
I slaved all day over a hot keyboard to bring it to you.

Except it was actually only an hour or so and I sit directly over a cooling vent.

Okay, okay.
I suppose it wasn't too painful.

My suffering may have also been lessened due to the Reese's Cheesecake I brought into the office as payment for services provided and aforementioned. *See 'Sofa', So Good.*

My debt has been paid.

I have it on good authority that this was the best cheesecake ever made/eaten since 1993.

"You remember a cheesecake you had in 1993 that was better?", I quizically asked the maintenance worker who stumbled upon a free sample serendipitiously.

"No, it's not that." he responded quickly, "I mean that 1993 is as far back as I can remember."

"Oh." I smiled pleasantly, "Then I'll take that as a compliment."