Merry Little 'Fish'mas

SANTA CAME WHILE I WAS SLEEPING!!!

(My mom would like to insert that the 'sleeping' part lasted far longer than it should have. Sorry to disappoint ya mommy baby. After all, I am 21 ya know. Twenty. One.)

I'm excited to report that I am now the proud owner of a Panasonic FH20. (Complete with waterslide.)

Take a look at this little beauty.

Little did you know, it's also a present for all of you! I will now post photos with actual quality. Not the pixelated blurry blobs to which I have previously stooped. Hoo-SHA. You thought this day would never come. Right? Right?

But, to be sure, I was rather proud of my thrifting skillz this holiday. Particularly with Da Twinneh's gift. It started off as a really hideodorous green shelf with a nasty wallpaper pheasant scene...

and turned into...

the most fantastical bear painting you ever did lay your sweet little eyes upon. (Notice the 'bear'-'bare' pun. What can I say? It runs in families.)

Da Twinneh loves all things bear (especially black bear, she's racist). So when she saw this sign online...

naturally, her first response was to have me create a rip-off version. (I'll have you know that I just typed 'bare bottoms welcome' into a Google image search. This was a highly risky flub and I'm not sure I've come away completely unscathed.)

I tend to think that mine is a gajillion times better. Especially free-handed! And judging upon the screaming and the bouncing and the flailing that took place upon removing the wrapping paper, I think Da Twinneh does too.

And now, I shall relate a Christmas tragedy.

It all came about when a certain little boy, with a twinkle in his eye, asked his adoring Grandpa if he could feed the gleaming fish in his immaculate aquarium.

Without hesitation, the beloved gramps gave an approving nod and the youngster scampered away to throw a few pinches of fish flakes into the pristine water.

Meanwhile, various holiday tunes were plunked away by a line-up of other grandchildren on the decrepit old piano as the rest of the family dutifully applauded each performance attentively.

Corinner-Elly watched as her nephew reached far above his head, impatient to push open the tank lid and feed its hungry inhabitants.

And that is when it happened.

CRASH! Instead of simply lifting the hinged cover to dust off the contents of his hand, the young lad pushed what he supposed to be a sliding lid with all his might, resulting in a dramatic display as it, and the items resting on its perimeter, crashed to the floor.

The now morbidly silent crowd watched as the old man rushed to the cowering boy's side, eyes wide with fright as the contents of an old soda bottle, used to produce needed CO2 for the tank's live plants, pumped deadly yeast water into the small ecosystem.

The room was tense for a small moment as the Grandpa regained his composure and softly reassured his offspring that everything would be alright. Activities resumed but all could tell that the man was concerned for the many small aquatic lives he had spent countless hours nurturing over the past many months.

Intuitively recognizing this in her father's worn face, Corinner-Elly silently prayed for the fishs' survival. (Actually... she just went and got some more shrimp and cocktail sauce but... almost.)

But alas. The very next morning, after gifts were unwrapped and relatives were visited, the family came home to a gruesome sight.

Each small corpse floated belly-up, faces contorted in a terrific fashion as if to suggest they died mid-scream. The last few struggling survivors twitched a fin frantically here and there, propelling them in pathetically irregular circles.

"WE CAN SAVE THEM!!!", Gem yelled as she frantically collected the necessary medical tools.

If you haven't read this story, you haven't lived.

No pun intended. Read HERE.

But dad knew the truth. He laid a tired hand on the now darkened container and gazed at the carnage sadly.

Before long, each small body had been scooped from the scene, the water de-contaminated and they had done their best to revive the few fighters.

Leaving Corinner-Elly to wonder pensively,

is there such a thing as fish CPR?...