How to Spell 'Insanity'.

Playing Scrabble with my family is equivalent to mental suicide.
("Don't be such a drama queen!")

I am not even lying. They're all bat-crap-crazy.

No seriously.
My brain literally wants to step off a chair and hang itself.

Here's how it inevitably goes down.

Mom: "Who wants to play a game?"
Gem: "Corin will only play if we do Scrabble."
Dad: "How else will she control her unquenchable desire for complete domination?"
Mom: "Corin, do you want to play Scrabble?"

Me: "No."

Dad: "Someone take that girl's temperature!"
Gem: "Am I sleeping?" *pinch* "Ow." *pinch* "Ow!"
Mom: "Why not?"

Me: "Because I'm busy."

Mom: "Are you telling me that after I came out here specifically to enjoy you guys' company when I've been sick in bed all day and have had my meals fed to me on a tray and have watched 182 hours of Larkrise to Candleford and..." *two hours pass* "it all comes down to the fact that you don't love me, do you."

Me: -seated at table-

Mom: "How many tiles do I draw?"

Gem: "Seven."

Mom: "Six?"

Dad: "Seven."

Gem: "Pick a tile to see who goes first. Ha! I got 'A'!"

Dad: "N".

Mom: "I got an 'A' too!"

Gem: "No. You have to pick one tile first then take seven."

Mom: "Why does no one tell me the rules?"

Gem: "I go first then and get a double word score. Heh-heh."

Mom: "Wait! Why?"

Gem: "Because it's on a pink square. Pink squares give you a double word score."

Mom: "So you can spell things diagonally?!!"

Gem: "NO. Mom. Only down or from left to right."

Mom: "How many tiles do I need again?"

Me: *whimpers*

Mom: "This tile's blank."

Gem: "That means it's a wild."

Mom: "So it can be whatever I want it to be?!"

Gem: "You have to decide what it is then it stays that letter."

Dad: "But you can replace it with the actual letter if you have it."

Mom: "Okay then! I'll take it!"

Gem: "No. No. No. You have to use it during the same turn."

Mom: "What!!! Why doesn't anyone ever tell me the rules?!"

Dad: "Is this really so painful?"

Me: I'm surrounded by idiots."

Mom: "Whose turn is it?"

Gem: "Dad's."

*2 seconds pass*

Mom: "Kay, my turn right?"

Dad: "I'm still thinking."

Gem: "How do you spell 'violet'?"

Dad: "Look up 'J-E-R-O-A-M."

Gem: "G-E-R..."

Dad: "No. J-E-R-O-A-M."

Mom: "A-O-M?"

Gem: "J-E-O-R-A-M?"

Mom: "Wait. I think he said J-E-O-R-O-A-M."

Dad: "J-E-R-O-A-M!!!"

...

Gem: "Sorry. Not a word."

Mom: "Hold on. You guys are looking up random words?..."

Gem: "If it's in the Scrabble dictionary online, it counts."

Mom: "That's not fair. It shouldn't count."

Dad: "That's how we play."

Gem: "BOO-YAH. That'll be 92 points for me."

Dad: "How is that?!!"

Gem: "I used up all of my tiles. You get fifty bonus points whenever that happens."

Mom: "WHAAAAATTTT!!!!???? Why did no one tell me this!!?"

Me: "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU REALLY COULD HAVE USED ALL OF YOUR TILES IN A SINGLE TURN BY NOW?"

Mom: "I could have that first round. Probably."
...
Dad: "What do I do if I can't spell anything?"
Gem: "Swap some of your tiles from the bag."
Dad: "How many?"
Gem: "As many as you'd like."
Mom: "I think I'll do that too."
Gem: "Hold on mom. You have to put some back. You're only supposed to have seven."
Mom: "Wait, what? How do I know which ones to put back. Are you sure that's right?"

Corin: "MOM. You're supposed to have seven. ALWAYS seven. Seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, SEVEN. SEVEN.

Dad: "I think I'm gonna have to go with 'piddly'."
 Mom: "Is it my turn?"

Me: "Piddly...?"

Dad: "Look it up."
Gem: "Oh wow. Apparently it's a word."
Dad: "Do you have a problem with that?"

Me: "Only that it degrades the very name of Scrabble."

Mom: "My turn, right?"
Dad: "I'm still thinking?"
Gem: "Whose turn is it?"
Mom: "Dad's. Geez. Don't you pay attention?"

Kudos to Allie of Hyperbole and a Half for the superb graphics.